I never really gave this phrase that much thought until recently. I started hearing it about 7 years when I would attend NA meetings. Surprisingly, I didn’t try to dissect it. I was taking life one day at a time.

It wasn’t until a few months ago, while in a therapy session with my sister and our therapist, that she said, “If I fake it til I make it, I wouldn’t be honest.”. We all stopped for a moment.

“No, no you are taking it too literally,” I told her. We explained that we definitely wanted her to be honest, but you have to speak positively to yourself during that process. She didn’t feel very confident at all, hence why this concept would be so complicated.

But then, I started college this past fall. Amongst my busy life with my 2 kids and my 2 sisters, AND the year of 2020 with covid-19, at 38 years old, I started college. Word of advice, if you have 2 part time jobs, an art business, and a household to manage, do not take 5 classes! I survived.

A week after a nervous breakdown and a deep depression, my English professor ends our class with Reflections. She had posted videos of herself talking about our class, and our final assignment. She instructed us to watch this youtube video called, This is Water, by David Foster. I was on the brink of quiting school because of the demand and I came close to failing some classes.https://youtu.be/eC7xzavzEKY

Stopping in that very moment and absorbing the message, I realized I was exactly where I needed to be. You see this was the final assignment for the class, so that means I made it. Even though I broke, I survived it. When I thought about everything the world is going through, me going back to school after 20 years, and inspiring the children in my home, teaching them, it’s never too late. I sat with that moment as the tears filled my eyes.

I continued to watch her videos about “bullshitting” and fake it til you make it, popped into my head. Lightbulbs were going off. I was connecting some dots which is exactly what I wanted college to do for me. We never “know” things automatically. We learn them as we go, but how do we learn. We fake that job interview til we get the job and we begin the job ready to absorb all of the knowledge, skills, and most importantly the experience.

Be kind to yourself. Live life in the now. Fake til ya make it, you got this!

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